Into the void it goes.

I thought it was love. I had loved you before. The moment accountability hit me, the fog lifted from my eyes and I could see you again. I saw you as the person I saw when love was present.

I was willing to audition to be the lead man in your love story. To show myself as a better version of the man I was yesterday.

But I had another moment of clarity just a few days ago.

I've been telling my friends "I want you back," and it may have been another lie I've been telling to shield myself from hurt.

During a lighthearted conversation I realised all I really wanted from you is acknowledgement of the changes I have made, and the best way, I felt, that acknowledgement would come is through our reunion.

As I listened to your reasoning behind w statement you made, I realised it wasn't love I was feeling.

Within a 30 second increment, I felt a sense of frustration that lead to a feeling of rage, which then calmed into a sense of acceptance and ultimately ended with a realisation.

I'm not in love with you, only willing to perform in your production in a sense of "I owe you this," which I don't think is sincere or necessary.

So, I write this not for you to read, but for me to release and have the vibrations of my words hit me as they ripple through the universe.

I will always love you, but you deserve more than a performance and I deserve more than thinking a performance is enough to showcase my love.

My worth shouldn't be valued by how good I could be for you. My worth should be valued on how good I can be for myself.

As I learn more about myself I learn how much of my self-worth is predicated on how others value me.

The story is to continue just not one of us. My story will continue as I regain the ability to use tools already within my grasp. Regain the person I am and stop trying to become a person for somebody to love.

This is written to you, but written for me!

This isn't written to be read, it's written to be fed.